This is my paternal Grandmothers family tree. This is written about her Mother, my great grandmother Zula.
Put your big girl panties on! At 20 weeks pregnant I figured it was time for some new panties. Now I’m a die hard fan of Victoria Secret silk panties but this new body is calling for a little more. I went to Target planning on getting a pair of basic cotton panties and found a pleasant surprise of a sell. Its a good one so catch it while you can. My favorite part is they have tons of different styles to choose from… g-string to granny panties. Why in the world does buying 7 new pairs of panties make me feel like I finally got this pregnancy thing together. Rolling my eyes.
Here are the Details.
June 1st and I’m 20 weeks. Everyone is asking for baby bump pictures and I realize I haven’t taken any. Quite honestly I have just felt fat. I know its supposed to be magical but its been me being sick and not fitting into anything. Its getting better though because I’m feeling the baby move more, the last three days he has been very active. I’m picking up this blog post like it hasn’t been forever since I wrote because I don’t have time to explain to you what you already know. Life gets out of control and busy. I am somewhat paranoid about gaining too much weight and not being able to loose it when I should be worried with stuff like the baby room and what am I going to freaking do about my job?!! So I indulge myself a little and slap myself back to reality other days. Here is something I have found has helped as I have increased in size and my belly starts to grow – KT tape. I’ll upload a picture to show how I have used it to support my belly when it feels heavy. I have also started using it up higher where my stomach muscles come together because of my growing fear of Diastasis Recti. At 20 weeks my uterus is just reaching for my belly button but when I eat too much it feels like the possibility of my muscles just splitting right up the middle is totally a reality – Kind of like a banana peel splits apart when peeled. NOT COOL. OK so less about me and more about my banana boy this week. He’s been knocking around inside me a lot more lately. Usually I am feeling him from 10am to noon and then again in the afternoon when I lay down around 9 or 10 pm. So I’ll try to keep little updates going and I’m stepping outside my comfort zone and posting a baby bump picture that is not so great because everyone says someday you will wish you had lots of pictures. I guess I’ll start at the half way point and try and mark my progress. Its hard to not want to Photoshop the crap out of this picture and make myself look thinner and prettier but here ya go….
I’m closing a loose hand over a clinched fist
Trying to keep the pain at arms length.
Im hiding from you the best of the broke parts
All the fabulous gorilla glued fractures of my heart.
I’m sweeping big fat shards under super skinny rugs.
I’m swaying and dancing thru the side glances and shrugs
My processed head in the air
Twirling with a production of great care
No one knows about my vibrating underwear
Or that no sailor could match how I swear.
I’m a big fat, skinny, celebrity,
And anyone would trade places with me…
And jump off a building as quick as could be.
Before you go lusting after my life,
Know I’ll never get to be just a wife,
And that, I get to envy in you.
My chances at normal are little and few.
Remember to be thankful and let it shine thu,
Because the truth is I really wish I was you.
This dream has been with me all day. I can’t shake the feeling that it was very important. I have never had a dream like this. I had a dream last night that I died. I was shot in the head and before it happened in the dream I was aware it was fixing to happen. In my dream I remember thinking I am fixing to die in this dream and in the dream I was telling myself to remember how it felt to die so when I woke up I would know and I kept telling myself in the dream that it was ok. I knew I was dreaming. At the same time I was thinking this the dream was still going on. I was arguing with someone and we both had guns. I knew they were fixing to shoot me and that my gun was empty but I was bluffing and acting like my gun had bullets. Also I remember moths crawling on the walls. There were lots of them, they were brown and they were in cocoons stuck to the wall. They were constantly breaking the cocoon and either flying away or crawling around on the wall. They weren’t creepy in the dream and I remember thinking I needed to call an exterminator in my mind in the dream. These things all seemed to be going on simultaneously. The moment came when the person I was arguing with was fixing to shoot. They were close to my head and it felt like the dream slowed down when they pulled the trigger. As the bullet came towards my head I had the thought of I died in my dream I might not wake up. Then it hit me. I was concentrating hard to remember what it felt like to die. Everything felt spongy and waved and then like static on a tv but the static was light. Then all the light static started separating up in waves around the dream world. It was very bright and then another dream started immediately. I thought I might have woke up but I didn’t. I did become really aware I was sleeping but then bounced into the next dream. It was completely different. I sometimes have vivid dreams but this was so weird. If anyone has any interpretation on this I would really love to hear it. I always thought you couldn’t die in your dreams guess that’s not true.
Today I was outside and the sun was shining and I spotted a patch of flowers popping off a limb of the neighbors tree. I ran across the grass in my bare feet and scooped them up and took a big whiff. Oh so sweet smell of spring. I left three on the tree and clipped three off for myself. That’s all just a splotch of spring for you today I’m so excited for warm weather and oh my gosh maybe a little tan on this pale tail of mine. Sunshine makes me happy!!