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I’m addicted to you,

its not good,

but it’s true.








This flesh

This flesh makes me so selfish. I can feel it tugging and wanting it’s way. They say my only recourse is to pray. It’s always inching towards it’s doom holding hands with time and writing letters to the tomb but it won’t cease one second till it’s rotting and resting, Something always clicking turning and manifesting. I refresh, then I tire, flip over repeat. A big pile of mess squashed in flesh meat. I feel it tugging wanting it’s way.

Sand and soul

I feel my mortality, it’s close to the surface. It’s a hang nail caught on my sweater that keeps waking me up reminding me we are all sand and soul and the sand is working hard against the soul.

Love is a good thing

It’s a good thing to feel loved, to be loved and to give love. It’s the finest of all the good things. It’s the golden thread. It’s beauty built inside that shines out. It’s the finest of the finest of all the best of things that exists.


The Other Side

Awesome short little story I wouldn’t mind being read at my funeral one day

Morning Story and Dilbert

Morning Story and Dilbert Vintage Dilbert
August 13, 2013

A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, ‘Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side.’

Very quietly, the doctor said, ‘I don’t know…’

‘You don’t know? You’re, a Christian man, and don’t know what’s on the other side?’

The doctor was holding the handle of the door; On the other side came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.

Turning to the patient, the doctor said, ‘Did you notice my dog?

He’s never been in this room before.

He didn’t know what was inside.

He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.

I know little of…

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Real adventure

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Real adventures seldom happen from your couch

Be still, stupid girl, be still!!

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I want everything…like yesterday, and Nick reminds me nobody got it overnight. I look at these houses and these people with nice cars and I can’t imagine how they got there. We are doing things the right way, paying off bills, paying cash, driving old cars that are paid for but I feel like we are stuck sometimes and for the life of me I don’t know how all those people in those fancy cars and big houses are doing it. Nick says Beth calm down we can’t get there overnight and I think it’s been a ton of nights and then I leave and go to run to clear all the clutter from my ringing brain and when I’m done running I sat down at the dock in the picture above to cool off and I’m still for a moment and I remember what The Lord has directed me to do “be still and know that I am God” … gee wiz Beth be still for a second, hey stop running for a moment, slow down. I am flooded with thoughts of all the amazing things I have that are blessing straight from God and I remember it’s not for me to figure out. It’s in Gods hands because I told him I would let him make the decisions because I’m bad at them… Remember Beth, you sometimes make the worst choices available and yes I remember. I remember saying I was letting go and giving it to God and then trying to do it all by myself all over again. What a mess of flesh I am but oh I’m thankful for what I have, I am still for what I will receive and I am joyful simply because I exist. Now excuse me but I think I hear a glass of wine calling my name.
Beth Lanning
3.0 miles
30 min

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