I’m closing a loose hand over a clinched fist
Trying to keep the pain at arms length.
Im hiding from you the best of the broke parts
All the fabulous gorilla glued fractures of my heart.
I’m sweeping big fat shards under super skinny rugs.
I’m swaying and dancing thru the side glances and shrugs
My processed head in the air
Twirling with a production of great care
No one knows about my vibrating underwear
Or that no sailor could match how I swear.
I’m a big fat, skinny, celebrity,
And anyone would trade places with me…
And jump off a building as quick as could be.
Before you go lusting after my life,
Know I’ll never get to be just a wife,
And that, I get to envy in you.
My chances at normal are little and few.
Remember to be thankful and let it shine thu,
Because the truth is I really wish I was you.
Category Archives: Life
This dream has been with me all day. I can’t shake the feeling that it was very important. I have never had a dream like this. I had a dream last night that I died. I was shot in the head and before it happened in the dream I was aware it was fixing to happen. In my dream I remember thinking I am fixing to die in this dream and in the dream I was telling myself to remember how it felt to die so when I woke up I would know and I kept telling myself in the dream that it was ok. I knew I was dreaming. At the same time I was thinking this the dream was still going on. I was arguing with someone and we both had guns. I knew they were fixing to shoot me and that my gun was empty but I was bluffing and acting like my gun had bullets. Also I remember moths crawling on the walls. There were lots of them, they were brown and they were in cocoons stuck to the wall. They were constantly breaking the cocoon and either flying away or crawling around on the wall. They weren’t creepy in the dream and I remember thinking I needed to call an exterminator in my mind in the dream. These things all seemed to be going on simultaneously. The moment came when the person I was arguing with was fixing to shoot. They were close to my head and it felt like the dream slowed down when they pulled the trigger. As the bullet came towards my head I had the thought of I died in my dream I might not wake up. Then it hit me. I was concentrating hard to remember what it felt like to die. Everything felt spongy and waved and then like static on a tv but the static was light. Then all the light static started separating up in waves around the dream world. It was very bright and then another dream started immediately. I thought I might have woke up but I didn’t. I did become really aware I was sleeping but then bounced into the next dream. It was completely different. I sometimes have vivid dreams but this was so weird. If anyone has any interpretation on this I would really love to hear it. I always thought you couldn’t die in your dreams guess that’s not true.
Today I was outside and the sun was shining and I spotted a patch of flowers popping off a limb of the neighbors tree. I ran across the grass in my bare feet and scooped them up and took a big whiff. Oh so sweet smell of spring. I left three on the tree and clipped three off for myself. That’s all just a splotch of spring for you today I’m so excited for warm weather and oh my gosh maybe a little tan on this pale tail of mine. Sunshine makes me happy!!
The most beautiful people God created have been placed in my life and I’m so grateful. My story would be a blank page if not for the words created around me. That’s the whole of how I feel except more grateful than you can imagine. God make me worthy of your generosity. God make me mindful of your beauty. God keep me humbled by your ever unfolding creation. Tumbling, unraveling, revealing lives of creation. Little flesh homes for souls you began to dwell inside with us. May my doors always be open for you and my table be ready to be filled by your blessings. I pray I always see your beauty in others. I pray for your light to shine strong in me. Wrap me and bind me up with your presents so I live in communion with you. Make your spirt in me attractive to the world, be my corset, wrapped tight, forming and shaping me. Let any beauty belong to you. I am thankful like its my second life and my last chance. Thank you for this life I know I am blessed and I praise you and give you all the glory.
One of my Nanas many recipes that people ask for is her Red Earth Cake. I have been meaning to post it for awhile now. I went home and made it with her about a year ago and took pictures but never set down to type it all up. My cousin Brooke (check her out she writes too) recently called and asked for it and since I text-ed it to her I figured I could take the opportunity to cut and past and add some pictures and finally get it on here. This recipe is precious to me and the time I got to spend with my Nana learning it is even more precious to me. My Nana is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s and I have been trying to enjoy all the moments while I can along with learning and compiling her recipes. It is one of the reasons this blog is a huge part of my heart and soul. Please enjoy this as much as our family has over the years.
Red Earth Cake
½ cup shorting/Crisco
1 ½ cups sugar
3 Tablespoons cocoa
1 teaspoon red food color
3 tablespoons hot coffee
1 7/8 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 stick of oleo or butter
16 ounces or a box of powdered sugar, sifted
3 tablespoons cocoa
3 tablespoons hot coffee
1 teaspoon red food color
1 teaspoon vanilla
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Measure out the buttermilk first and pour it in a larger bowl and then pour in the baking soda and stir. It will increase in volume. Be sure to stir it well so that all baking soda dissolves. Set mixture aside.
Cream Crisco in mixer. Add sugar gradually and cream until fluffy. Beat in eggs, one at a time.
Mix cocoa, food color, and coffee in a small bowl to form a paste. Add to creamed mixture and beat until incorporated.
Add flour and salt mixture and then buttermilk mixture to the batter, beating to incorporate after each addition. Add the vanilla.
Bake in two 8 inch cake pans, with parchment or waxed paper liners at 350 for 30-40 minutes or until it separates slightly from the sides of the pan. Don’t over bake. Remove from oven and place on cooling rack and allow to cool completely.
Cream butter with sugar in mixer.
Make paste of coffee, cocoa, food color and vanilla and add to creamed mixture. If necessary, add more coffee until icing is of spreading consistency.
Ice the cake and between the layers… Devour as needed 🙂
…….good luck it’s delicious!
Ok I have been cooking and compiling recipes over the last year from my Nana. All the family favorites and I’m about to start uploading them to the sight. Slowly but surely I plan on having all the best Nana recipes and other family recipes. I want to remind everyone I’m not a chef I just started cooking a few years ago and I mess up a lot but what I have found it most of the time it’s fixable and it still taste great. The rum cake and red velvet are favorites so far. The last rum cake I made someone came over and asked what bakery I got it from, Braums or Ambrosias (two fancy bakery’s in Baton Rouge) and I know I was practically glistening with joy when I announced like it was my first born child that I had made it myself. This is just a quick post because I had cake on my brain this morning and I’m planning on uploading the pictures.