Real adventures seldom happen from your couch
Monthly Archives: June 2014
I want everything…like yesterday, and Nick reminds me nobody got it overnight. I look at these houses and these people with nice cars and I can’t imagine how they got there. We are doing things the right way, paying off bills, paying cash, driving old cars that are paid for but I feel like we are stuck sometimes and for the life of me I don’t know how all those people in those fancy cars and big houses are doing it. Nick says Beth calm down we can’t get there overnight and I think it’s been a ton of nights and then I leave and go to run to clear all the clutter from my ringing brain and when I’m done running I sat down at the dock in the picture above to cool off and I’m still for a moment and I remember what The Lord has directed me to do “be still and know that I am God” … gee wiz Beth be still for a second, hey stop running for a moment, slow down. I am flooded with thoughts of all the amazing things I have that are blessing straight from God and I remember it’s not for me to figure out. It’s in Gods hands because I told him I would let him make the decisions because I’m bad at them… Remember Beth, you sometimes make the worst choices available and yes I remember. I remember saying I was letting go and giving it to God and then trying to do it all by myself all over again. What a mess of flesh I am but oh I’m thankful for what I have, I am still for what I will receive and I am joyful simply because I exist. Now excuse me but I think I hear a glass of wine calling my name.
I am unorganized and lazy by nature. When I get home for work what I want to do is take off my clothes, throw them on the floor, and crawl into bed. This is me being honest with myself and there are times in my life I lived in that routine. Utter chaos, total un-organization just flopping along running out of the house at the last minute, frantic searches for that “other shoe”. Uggggghh thinking about it hurts. Point is I have gotten to a good place where organization has killed chaos and I manage my time and money and tell it what to do rather than letting it fly out the back window but it’s still hard. I still want to go straight to bed instead of going running. I still want to throw my clothes directly on the floor when I take them off but I just don’t do it. I thought for awhile it would get easier but I find myself constantly having mental pep talks with myself. Will it ever go away? Why am I like this? It’s parts of myself that I really don’t like, It’s frustrating but I’m glad I’m in a spot where I know how to combat it.