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Bound up by lies

I lied to everyone. When I was younger there was no truth in me. Everything carefully constructed webs. Of course it started with myself. When your not honest with you, you can’t be honest with anyone. My whole life was not a complete and total lie it was just a false reality of my own building. There was no searching any deeper than the surface for fear of turning up a bloody body of evidence. I felt things but only to the extent that they affected me. I never felt things through currents of other people’s emotions the way I can do now. Never was able to sympathize with a position to the point where it brought me to tears. I couldn’t do anything to hurt myself that would benefit or raise another for their sake alone. I knew love but didn’t know how to love. I now find myself an open book in many aspects. I can’t think of a thing I would need to or care to hide in life. It is one of the most beautiful things I have experienced thus far. I’m not scared of what’s inside or underneath. I regularly search deeper than the surface these days to make sure my soil is tilled and ready for harvest. I put decisions in hands bigger than my own because mine are clumsy and weak. I can look back and see how hard this point was to get to. There is freedom in truth that you can’t see in the darkness of the shadows of your lies, but it only takes a sliver of light to guide you out of the darkness. One truth told illuminates the way, two truths told opens a door, three truths told knocks down a wall, continue on until your life is as bright as the shining sun and you light up every soul you wander near to.

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About BethLanning

Im a scatterbrained dingbat but I have Ninja potential. This site is to catch all my scatterbrain in one place so it will be a pile of different things. The more I write the more I learn about the different piles of myself. I once thought it was all a ball of confusion and mess but I now see distinct areas taking shape. My Writing, Cooking and Food, Art, Poetry, Fitness Life, Projects, Learning to Organize, Personal Growth and its really a catch all and you never know what you'll get but isn't that just the way life is? See my other site for me and my husbands journey to build a Tiny hOme!

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